A Marmoset by Any Other Name
by Keeper-of-the-Cheese
Summary: The Great and Powerful Authoress decides that Vader needs a holiday. Insanity insues when she throws your favorite entertainment icons and Luke Skywalker into the mix! *ABANDONED*
1. Chapter 1

Vader's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Or : A Marmoset by Any Other Name…

Chapter 1

The day started out as any other. Darth Vader rose from his meditation to the sound of alarms going off around the 'Executor'. 'What now?' the dark lord thought irritably.

_Little did he know that somewhere in a galaxy far, far, away, a totally insane authoress had gotten her hands on a computer. Terrible tragedy that._

Vader strode over to the door of his room and opened it soundlessly. He was immediately confronted by a small white droid with an exceptionally large head. "Get out of my way droid." Vader growled. The droid merely tilted its head to meet the glare Vader hoped was being conveyed through his mask. The droid sighed and said "I've been talking to the ships computer," He paused as if to give Vader a moment to keep up with what he was saying. "Alright.And?" Vader said. He was really beginning to wonder where this droid came from. The droid gave a small shrug of its shoulders and said with a small sigh "and it hates me." Vader shook his head and stepped around the now weeping droid. As he began his walk down the corridor he quickly noticed that the alarms had stopped blaring. 'Well,' he thought 'Whatever the problem was it must have been taken care of.' He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he nearly collided with Admiral Piett. The Admiral paled at the sight of his commander. "M-my Lord," Piett stuttered "I know what you must be thinking, but there is no need to be worried .My men are trying to catch them as we speak." Vader took a moment to digest what Piett had just said. "Exactly who are your men trying to catch Admiral?" If possible Piett paled another shade. "Y-you mean you don't know?" Piett responded weakly. Now Vader was getting annoyed. "No Admiral, I do not know. But I would be very interested to hear about it." Vader counted to ten as Piett gathered his last remaining vestiges of military fortitude and managed to say in a semi-strong voice, "Several beings have been seen wandering around the 'Executor'. We have no idea where they came from or who exactly they are, but I have my men looking for them right now." Piett finished and waited hesitantly for Vader's reaction. Vader didn't know what was worse, having beings aboard his ship that were unidentified and up to this point uncatchable, or the fact that they were on his ship and he had not felt their presence in the Force. Remembering that Piett was still there he turned his gaze on the Admiral. "I will take care of them myself. If your men have any intelligence as to the location of our guests have them report directly to me. I will leave my comlink on." With that he turned and strode down the corridor. It looked like it was going to be an eventful day.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know the first one was short but I'll try to pick up the pace .Well here it is chapter 2 ! Hope you will enjoy .(to quote Victior Borge)

FYI : I Own Nothing!!!Mwahahahahaha!!!!!

Chapter 2

Several Hours Later:

'Why did I volunteer to take care of this mess?' Vader thought to himself. '328.' Vader silently growled as he closed the door on yet

another empty room. He turned from the door in time to see the droid he had encountered earlier turning the corner towards him.

"You!" Vader yelled at the droid. For a moment the droid seemed to be taken aback by Vader's loud proclamation, he then turned

and started running down the hall he had just come from. "Stop!" Vader commanded as he began to give chase. He crossed the hall in

a matter of seconds and rounded the corner. He was greeted by an empty hall. 'This droid is faster then it looks!' Vader thought as he

ran to the next corridor fully expecting to see the droid scuttling away at a rapid pace. Nothing to greet him but thin air. Confused and

not liking the sensation Vader strode to the middle of the hall. He scanned the hall in both directions. No sign of the droid . Vader

stood in the hall with the sound of his respirator as the only thing breaking the silence. He silently dared anything else out of the ordinary to happen.

_Several Galaxies away the authoress smirked. Can't disappoint him now can we?_

"So, Evil Emperor Zurg. We meet again." A voice from behind Vader stated. Vader turned quickly and was greeted by the sight of a

strange man in a white space suit. "Do I know you?" Vader said as menacingly as he could muster under the circumstances. "Don't try

to be funny Zurg. You won't escape me this time!" The stranger said. Now not only confused but spitting mad Vader simply stomped

up to the stranger and began to choke him using the Force. "Wait!" the stranger cried as he struggled for breath. " You can't do this to

me ! I'm Buzz Lightyear!" Vader smirked under his mask. "Watch me." He said as he began to concentrate harder. "But I'm the

Hero! I always win!" Buzz crowed triumphantly as he began to turn blue. "Is that a fact?" Vader asked sarcastically as he lifted Buzz

several feet off the ground. "Now tell me who sent you!?" Buzz pulled back enough for Vader to see his puzzled expression. "You

know who sent me Zurg!" Buzz squeaked. Vader looked at Buzz with distain. "You keep calling me Zurg. Who is this Zurg? I have

never heard of him." Vader asked the now barley conscious Buzz. "You mean you aren't Zurg?" Buzz choked out. "I'm afraid not." Vader said.

A small "oops" was all that followed as Buzz drifted into unconsciousness.

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	3. Chapter 3

A/N:Almost 70 views on my story. Sweet...

FYI: I own the lint in my pocket and one fencing foil.But NOTHING ELSE!!!!!

Chapter 3

Vader stared down at the unconscious form of Buzz Lightyear. 'This has got to be the oddest day in my entire existence.' He thought

sullenly to himself. "What now?" He said to no one in particular. 'More like where the heck did these people come from!?'

'Correction,' He thought 'Person and droid.' But Piett had said that there were _several_ unidentified life forms aboard. So far he had

only met up with two. 'So there are more people out there who are going to mistake me for this Zurg person?' Vader shuddered at the

thought. He began to move away from the body and down the hall. As he came to the lift door at the end of the hall he began to

contemplate exactly how large the 'Executor' was. It would take weeks for him to search the entire ship! Vader stopped and sighed in

exasperation. He reached out with the Force but could sense only the crew of the ship, not the droid, not Buzz Lightyear, and none of

the other life forms hiding on his ship. 'Oh , this is going to be fun.' He thought sourly. He climbed onto the lift and shut the doors.

Suddenly he was surrounded by silver light. "Vader!" a disembodied voice called out. Vader tried to look for the owner of the voice

but the light intensified as his helmet tried to compensate for the overpowering glow. "I have been keeping a close eye on you these

past few weeks and it is my opinion that you need a serious time out." The voice paused as Vader tried to comprehend what he was

hearing. " I am sending you to several places of my choosing for what we in the business like to call a vacation. Heard of it?" Vader

was about to reply but the voice cut him off. "No snide remarks please, I have complete control over your life at the moment. You

really want to keep me happy." The light was now beginning to over power the sensors in his helmet. He nodded mutely and all at once the world went black.

A/N: I know its depressingly short, but I'll try to start making them longer !

Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Over 130 hits, that makes me feel good ! Sorry about the shortness of this chapter, I promise the next one will be longer!

FYI: I STILL own nothing.Does that seem fair to you?

Chapter 4

Luke Skywalker sat on his bunk at the Rebel Base .

He was beginning to think that his life was the most complex thing in the universe. His new prosthetic hand began to itch and he

scratched at it fruitlessly. The byproduct of the fight with his father was beginning to get on his nerves. His father. The word sounded

almost foreign to him as he tried to apply it to Darth Vader. Luke leaned back and sighed. Perhaps he should never have left Master

Yoda, things seemed simpler when he was unaware of his unlucky relationship to a certain dark lord. 'No,' Luke thought sullenly 'It's

better that I know.' Luke laid his head against the back of his bunk and yawned. 'Another day, another battle to be waged.' Luke

thought thinking back on the events of the past few weeks. As he drifted off to sleep he vaguely noted a small shimmer of light in the far corner of his room.

Luke was awoken by the wonderful sound of a Van Hallen guitar face melter. He shot up from his bunk and began screaming as the

music grew unbearably loud. Then as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Luke lifted his head from it's position beneath his pillow

and saw a strange man in a yellow suit standing on his bed. "My name is Darth Vader . I am an extraterrestrial from the planet

Vulcan." The figure said. Luke stared at the figure incredulously. "You are sooo not Darth Vader." Luke said. " Yes I am !" the figure

replied " But that isn't important right now." The figure pointed what appeared to be a very large and rounded blaster at Luke's head. " Time to go see daddy dearest Luke." A bright light enveloped the room and Luke knew no more.

Reviews Make The World Go Round !!!( That should so be a song.)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: _-Anything written like this is a author insertion.-_

FYI: My lint ran away...now I only own the foil...

Chapter 5

'This is an interesting feeling.' Vader thought to himself as he slowly regained his motor functions. He was suspended in what appeared

to be a long glowing tunnel. He contemplated what the mysterious woman had said to him. What exactly did she have in mind? Was

she responsible for the mayhem on the 'Executor'? As he floated down the tunnel he began to examine his surroundings. The tunnel did

not appear to have an end, it just kept going and going. On the sides of the tunnel there were several large holes. Each had some form

of mural projected from it. He was currently floating in front of a tunnel with a mural of space on it. As he watched the mural began to glow. It began to flux and twirl and before Vader could move out of the way he was hit by a very large moving projectile. "Yeouch!" the projectile yelped.

'Wait a minute.' Vader thought. 'Projectiles don't yelp.' He began the very slow process of turning around to get a better look

at what hit him. "Luke!" Vader exclaimed. And sure enough, floating a few feet away lay a very dizzy and disoriented Luke

Skywalker. "Hello Father, nice to see you here. Did the pretty flashy go bang-bang and you got a visit from yourself wearing yellow

with a glowing blaster too?" Luke clearly was having some negative side effects to his little trip. "Luke, we have been kidnapped by a

crazy woman. You are suffering from slight disorientation. Now tell me, how many fingers am I holding up?" Vader held up three

gloved fingers. "Daddy, will you tell Boo-boo to turn out the light I'm too tired to play games." Luke asked drowsily. "Daddy?! Boo-

boo?! This could be more serious then I thought." By this time Vader had floated close enough to Luke to grab onto his collar. He got

a hold on him and gently -_Ok not so gently_- shook his son awake. "Owww." Luke groaned. "What happened? Where am I?" Vader

mentally sighed. "Luke, you hit your head on me after you were sucked into a vortex created by a mentally unstable female of

unknown origin. We are currently in some kind of vortex that seems to have cut us off from space, your Rebel Alliance, and my ship."

Luke made the facial equivalent of 'Oooo'. "This could be a problem." Luke stated as his brain began to function properly again.

"Nooo, really?!" Vader said very sarcastically. "Yeah." The ever oblivious Luke replied. "How did you get here Father?" Luke

asked. "I was tracking down several interlopers on my ship when I was confronted by some glowing entity and told very plainly that I

needed to take a vacation." Vader angrily replied. "What were you up to when this mess began?" Luke thought for a moment and laid

back on his arm and said, "Have you ever worn yellow?" Vader started from his semi-comfortable position floating in the air and said

"I most certainly have not! I wouldn't be caught dead in that color. Why? Did some one tell you I started wearing yellow?" "No."

Luke said "But I got a visit from someone claiming to be Darth Vader, and he was wearing a yellow suit of some kind." Vader

pondered this for awhile then turned to Luke and said "You didn't believe he was Darth Vader did you?" "No, he was too cheerful to

be you." Luke said. "Good,"Vader replied. "I wouldn't want people getting me mixed up with this doppelganger" Before Luke could

come up with a reply the tunnel began to make a strange whirring noise and before either the Jedi or the Sith could react they were

sucked mercilessly towards a mural of an ornate building in a very old fashioned town.

_In a different dimension…._

_Admiral Piett paced anxiously in front of Lord Vader's chambers. He had been summoned here by Lord Vader himself and was awaiting the Dark Lord's appearance. As he finished his fortieth lap by the door it flew open. Piett jumped back in alarm as the door opened to reveal not his respected Commander, Dark Lord of the Sith, Ever Black Vader as the boys in Intel liked to call him, but a strange, short, mocking version of his lord…wearing… yellow. _

If you want you could try to put your reviews to music...do de do do dooo DEEEEE!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6 pt1

A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the break between updates. I've been out of town with no access to a computer.This is the first of several two part chapters.

FYI: I Own NOTHING!!!

Chapter 6 pt.1

The Opera Populair sat in regal splendor. It was the year 1872, one year after the mysterious disappearance of Miss Christine Daae' -

_Now Countess after the untimely death of Philippe de Chagny, Raoul's older brother. - _and of the strange affair of the Phantom

of the Opera. Of course the managers began repairs on the building almost immediately after the fire had completely been taken care

of. They were sure that there ghost problems were over. The Opera Ghost -_also know as Erik_- had escaped through the mirror that

fateful night never planning to return. But fate has a funny way of messing up your plans and several weeks later Erik found himself

back in his lair under the opera house. Loathing the foppish vicomte only took up so much of his time, and since the Persian –_also _

_known as Nadir_- had decided that Erik needed a hobby-_besides his music and his torture chamber-_ he found himself on this fateful

day trying to fold a piece of paper into a tiny crane. His life had been very boring as of late.

_Several stories up…_

"OOF!!!" Vader grunted as he was unceremoniously dropped onto the ground. "AHHH...OOF!"Luke yelled as he flew down from

the sky and plopped down on top of Vader. "Ohhh… my back." Vader groaned. "Sorry." Luke grinned sheepishly as he eased

himself off of his fathers' back. "What I wouldn't give for us to not be related right now."

Vader said through gritted teeth. "Why?" Luke asked, slightly miffed. After all it was Vader who had made such a big deal out of them

being related in the first place. Vader looked up at Luke and growled out, "So I can kill you and feel minimal remorse about it." Luke

rolled his eyes "Oh, come on. It couldn't have been that bad." "Can and was." Vader rolled over onto his back and surveyed the sky.

"I have a feeling we aren't in our galaxy any more Luke." Luke stared up at the single sun that beamed down on them from a vibrant

blue sky. "Woof." was all Luke could get out. The two intrepid yet completely unaware time/galaxy/everything in general travelers

wearily got to there feet. Unbeknownst to them they were in the alley off the side of the Opera House. "So, what do we do now?"

Luke queried. "Perhaps we could attempt to get into this building; it would make sense since this Authoress person made us land so

close to it." Luke had no better ideas so they began towards the entrance.

The Paris Opera House gleamed garishly in front of them as if to say 'Welcome! Are you paying?' This was the impression it gave to

Luke and Vader at any rate. As they entered the lobby they admired the sight of the grand stairway leading up towards the main

theater. The pair strode down the hall and into the theater as rehearsals were wrapping up for the day. Luke and Vader stayed along

the side of the pit as they listened to the dancers and singers talk amongst themselves. They had almost remained undetected but as

fate would have it young Jammes spied the handsome youth that was Luke and half the corps' de ballet followed her as she made her

way towards him. "Why hello there…AHHHHHH!!!!!! The Phantom of the Opera!!!" Jammes shrieked and ran into the group of

ballet girls behind her. Luke looked behind him but only saw his father in all his intimidatingly black glory, nothing to be afraid of. The

ballet girls certainly seemed to think differently, and before either Luke or Vader knew what hit them a lynch mob appeared as if out of

thin air. "Luke," Vader said "I think this would be a good time to RUN!" As father and son sped away from the mob the authoress

decided to take pity on them and gave them a sign exactly where to go. "Father, why is there a large glowing arrow pointing up the

stairs?" "I have no idea but that's good enough for me!" Vader and Luke took the stairs two at a time and followed the several

conveniently placed signs to the box seating area. The pair ran up the box seating hallway and flew into the box furthest don the row.

They were in too much of a rush to take note of the roman numeral V on top of the box entrance. Exhausted and on edge Luke

collapsed into a chair in the box. " Father, why are they chasing us !" Vader sighed as he lowered himself down next to Luke. " I don't

know son, they seemed to mistake you for some kind of phantom." "Me!" Luke exclaimed "How do you know it wasn't you they

were chasing!?" "I know because never in my entire life has anyone chased after me because I looked like someone they knew. Run

away in terror yes, but come after me with a pitchfork… never." Luke rolled his eyes "Oh please. I am the last person people would

be chasing after." Luke tried to emphasize his point by hitting the pillar he was standing next to, however as luck would have it he hit

the exact location of Erik's hidden lever and he fell through the pillar as it opened.

End Pt.1 of What's in a Musical?

Yes? No? Review!


	7. A Note From The Authoress

Authors Note:

Hello my fine readers. First of all let me say that I appreciate your dedicated reading and support of this story. I am currently having writers block on this story, but I will try to overcome it ASAP. Unfortunately, I have been somewhat disheartened by the lack of reviews for this story. Therefore, I will not continue this story if I do not receive four new reviews. Tell me what you like so I can keep it in the story. Tell me what you don't like so I can try to fix it. Give me your ideas, I really appreciate any input you have to offer.

May the Force b w/u!

Keeper-of-the-Cheese


	8. Chapter 6 pt2

Chapter 6 pt.2

A/N: Another chapter up! Many thanks to Lupis Lunae for her review and support!

FYI: I own NOTHING!!! You guys know the drill.

Luke tumbled down for what seemed an eternity. The stairs blurred beneath him and for a time Luke would have been convinced he

was flying if not for the pain in his head and back whenever he hit the ground. "Ow! Oh! EEEKK! Blooof! GAAAHHH!!!" Boom.

"Oooo…" Luke moaned. He rolled onto his side and was surprised to find himself at the edge of a large body of water. " Huuumm…"

Luke said. " Who'd a' thunk it? Owwww…."

_Five Stories Up_

Vader contemplated his options. 'Option number one. Follow Luke down the dark tunnel into probable danger and almost certain

insanity. Or option two, jump over the edge of the box and be chased by an angry mob.' Vader turned as he began to hear the voice

of the mob begin to come closer to box five. 'Option one it is then.' Vader turned and examined the pillar/tunnel. 'Oh look,' Vader

thought to himself. 'Stairs.' And sure enough, leading down into the gloom were a set of well worn stairs.

_Five Stories Down_

"Ohhhh…" Vader was greeted with the sound of moaning as he carefully came down the last of the stairs. "Luke?" Vader glanced

around for his wayward son, and sure enough, he found him. Luke was lying parallel to the shore of what appeared to be an

underground lake. "Son, you **do** know that there werestairs?" "Yes Father, they recently became very close friends with my spine."

Luke gave another moan as Vader helped him to his feet. Suddenly and without warning the most beautiful music that either had ever

heard began to filter through the cavern. Da da Da da Da da Da da BOOOMMM_-Ok, so maybe it would have been the most _

_beautiful music if SOMEONE would stop banging their head against the instrument! -_ da da Da BOOOMMM Da Da DA

BOOOM!! "It sounds like someone's killing a ewok with a gimmer stick!" Luke exclaimed "Don't be ridiculous Luke, why would

some waste a perfectly good instrument to kill a ewok?" Vader responded with a certain level of sarcasm. "What! Why would anyone

kill a ewok anyway? They're cute and fluffy! A Rancor I could understand, maybe even a Taun-Taun. But not a ewok!" "Oh," Vader

replied "Is that another platform of your beloved rebellion? 'Save the Ewoks'?" Before Luke could come up with a witty reply the

area was consumed by a bright light. The Authoress had arrived. Admittedly, they were slightly disappointed in her appearance. It

wasn't quite as menacing as her voice would lead one to believe. She wasn't overly tall and she was very skinny. They couldn't see

what her hair was like because it was covered by a giant Jamaican hat. Also, her tee shirt with a BIG picture with a ewok on it kind of

ruined the whole effect. "Hey man," She walked up to a stunned Vader "Would you like, sign my petition to save the cute and fuzzy

ewoks' man? They're like, totally cute dude. You also have to use my oversized pen which requires two hands, yeah." She pushed the

end of the pen almost as if she were cocking a shotgun, a questioning and somewhat vacant look crossing her face. "Umm, Oh mighty

Authoress," Luke said in a semi-reverent tone. "We respectfully refuse to sign your petition." Luke tensed as he waited for the

inevitable bolt of lightning coming down from the heavens to smite him where he stood. "Eh, that's ok." The Authoress replied. She

tossed the pen to one side and her hat to another. They disappeared in a cloud of red smoke. "So boys, how's Paris treating you?"

A/N: I know I said that these would be two part chapters. But that dang writing bug got a hold on me and I must write as my muse commands! So, these might end up being more then two parts. Hopefully you guys won't mind!

Wanna put in your two cents? Review!


	9. Ficlet 1

**A.M.B.A.O.N. Fic-let # 1**

A/N: Hello all my lovely readers! No, contrary to popular belief and numerous assassination attempts I AM NOT DEAD!!!!Hallelujah! I have been having a spot of writers block lately so I haven't updated much… beat…at all…But fear not! I give you my first fic-let! Oh, and MANY THANKS to my lovely reviewers! You guys rock!

FYI: I went out and bought the Star Wars franchise from Lucas! So now I own EVERYTHING!!!MWAHAHAHAH!!!!!! Not really, still a poor student , unemployed, not enough money to buy gum…sad really. Ok, on with the fic!

**BACK ABOARD THE 'EXECUTOR'**

The bridge was in turmoil. Everyone from Admiral Piett to the lowliest storm trooper was in a state of absolute panic. Lord Vader had

been acting extremely odd. It had been 24 hours by Piett's count since the madness had begun. After storming out of his quarters

strangely dressed and considerably shorter, 'Lord Vader' had demanded that someone get him a 'coke'. This caused much panic on

the ship for two reasons: First, no one knew what a coke was! although the storm troopers had a bet going that it was either a sith

thing or some sort of small animal he could punt out of the airlock.Second, and most terrifying, the dark lord was acting…spontaneous!

Now, the crew was used to Lord Vader's intimidating and at times down right creepy presence on the bridge; but they were more

then a little disturbed when 'Vader' began to do something very strange with his feet. If Piett didn't know better he would almost swear that 'Darth Vader' was dancing!

Piett was broken from his musings by the sound of 'Lord Vader' calling for him.

"Hey you! Dude in the hat!"

Yes, sadly, Piett had been christened 'Dude in the hat'. This gave Piett some cause to be miffed. Lord Vader had never forgotten his

name before! Even on his first tour as a young lieutenant. Was it something he said? Piett trod warily over to where his liege had

decided to make himself comfortable after his dancing: a soft chair from one of the many lounges, placed directly in front of the view port, feet resting comfortably on the railing.

"How may I be of service my lord?" Piett asked in what he hoped to be a calming tone.

" What's your name?"

" Piett, sir."

" Right. Hey! How's that Coke coming along?"

Piett stole a glance over to one of the many ensigns at the computer terminals. The ensign caught his glance and ruefully shook his head.

Piett turned to 'Vader'.

"I'm afraid my lord, that we have been unable to locate a, uh, 'coke' for you. I am deeply sorry…"

'Vader' got to his feet, easily reaching to right under Pietts chin. The bridge took a collective breath as 'Vader' turned to Piett.

"What! No Coke…That's…Ungh…"

'Vader' fell to his knees.

"NNOOOOOO!!!!!"

As 'Vader' sobbed on the ground a young ensign crept over to Piett.

"Um, excuse me Sir." The ensign whispered to Piett. "Um, the Emperor is holding. He wishes to speak with Lord Vader immediately.

Piett sighed 'Oh, this is going to be a long day.'

A/N: Well there you have it! Short and sweet! What will happen!? I don't even know… But after I have another chapter or two posted I'll write another fic-let. Thanks, and remember: REVIEWS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!!


	10. Chapter 6 pt3

Chapter 6 pt.3

A/N: Will I ever finish the Phantom of the Opera segment? I really hope to within the next chapter or two! I promise! Many cyber hugs to my wonderful reviewers. You guys put a smile on my face and a blow horn next to the ear of my muse. Onward!

FYI: Don't own…yadda, yadda, yadda…never have…yadda, yadda, yadda…never will.

"How's Paris treating you?"

Vader stared at the Authoress. Pure contempt seeping from his eyes through the mask.

"How's Paris treating us? Well let me see, so far we've dumped in an alley, drawn into a beautiful but malevolent building, chased by a mob, stabbed at by a pitch fork, Luke even fell down a flight of stairs! A…"

" And all you got was this lousy tee-shirt!" The Authoress exclaimed.

"What?! What is a tee-shirt? WHERE ARE WE WOMAN!!!" Vader growled at the Authoress, who looked unconcerned about the glare being sent her way. She conjured up three chairs and sat down.

"Ok," she began."This may be a little hard for you to wrap your heads around but try and understand." She cleared her throat. " I have brought you to a city called Paris an the country of France on the planet called earth.You have never heard of it and you never will. This is the year 1872, by earth count. I have brought you to this particular point in time because I feel you may find kindred spirit in these dark tunnels." Luke began to speak but the authoress interrupted him. " No questions until I am done with my commentary!" She glared at Luke. Her glare softened a bit as she gazed into his blue eyes. " Have I ever told you I have a weakness for guys with blue eyes?" Luke gave her a startled look and began inconspicuously inching his chair away.

The Authoress came back from la-la land with a start.

"Whoa, **never **put Captain Hook, Agent Smith, and Ana… Hayden Christensen in the same day dream together…never…" She looked at the now very scared Luke and the slightly irritated Vader sitting across from her. " Ok, floor now open for comments!"

Luke looked at the Authoress and said " I have several questions."

The Authoress settled herself in her chair. " Quest away."

Luke raised his eyebrow but shrugged it off. " First, do you have a name? We can't just call you the Authoress the entire time we're here can we?"

The Authoress looked thoughtful. "Technically you could, but I see your point. You may call me…Cheesy."

"Cheesy? Are you joking?" Vader interjected.

"Hey!" The Authoress who will now be known henceforth as Cheesy yelled. "Silence in the peanut gallery!"

Vader began to stand. "Young lady I have put up with this for as long as I can handle, I have killed men for less then what I have out up with from you for the past hours!" Vader was on his feet, towering above the deceptively calm Cheesy. "I demand that you return us home this instant!"

" Or you'll what?" Cheesy replied "Choke me with the Force? Oops! I've suspended your Force abilities! You use it when and how I tell you!" She began to rise, coming to just above the buttons on Vader's chest, but glaring unafraid into his mask. "Now SIT!"

A very shocked Vader slowly lowered himself into his chair. Luke glanced from one to the other. Giving his father a sympathetic glance he turned back to Cheesy.

"You said you had someone you wanted us to meet?"

Cheesy sat down and resumed her business-like composure.

"Yes, I wanted you to meet a man called Erik. He is the resident ghost at this opera house. He's not a real ghost of course, but you might find him to be interesting company."

Luke raised an eyebrow, mentally willing her to continue.

" Oh," Cheesy put in " he lives across the lake!"

Vader sighed. "And how are we supposed to get there? My suit is not exactly waterproof."

Cheesy snapped her fingers. " I knew I forgot something!"

She turned to the lake and began making the motions of pulling an invisible rope.

"Father…I think she finally lost it."

Vader silently observed Cheesy for a few moments.

" I hate to tell you this son, but I don't think she ever had it."

Cheesy turned and glared at the pair before giving a swift jerk to her invisible rope, and to the surprise of father and son a small boat drifted into view.

" Gentlemen, your ride has come!"

The gondola floated gently in the water; unaware of the turmoil it had cause on the shore.

"You cannot be serious! You want me to get on that floating plank, which will probably sink the moment I step on it? Voluntarily?!"

Cheesy sighed at the Sith Lord before her.

" Come on Vader don't be such a pansy! It won't sink, I promise!"

Vader counted to ten and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, so now I'm supposed to take your word at face value now am I?"

Luke sat on the shore, beginning to tire of the constant arguing of his companions.

"Guys." Luke called. No response

"Guys?!" Nothing.

"GUYS!!!!"

Vader and Cheesy turned sharply to Luke

"WHAT!" They asked

Luke turned to his father.

"Can we just get going? Honestly, you two are worse then Han and Leia!"

Vader and Cheesy looked at each other and then back at Luke.

"I resent that!" They said.

"You cut that out!"

The pair returned to glaring at each other and Luke gave a long-suffering sigh.

"I'm going on the boat father, you can come along or stay here."

"Fine," Vader growled. "But I am only coming because you want me to son, not for this harpy's amusement."

Cheesy rolled her eyes at the immaturity of his statement.

"Oh honestly, you'd think I'd asked him to build a new Death Star all by himself. Sheesh!"

Luke glanced at his father who was already positioned in the rear of the gondola.

"Now, how do we drive this thing?"

Cheesy looked thoughtfully at the gondola.

"You propel yourself." She flicked her wrist like a magician. "With this." She held out a long, dark rod to Vader.

"It's a stick." Vader noted with great disdain.

Cheesy, taking great offence on the part of the rod, hit Vader with the 'stick': Hard

"This," she gestured at the pole. "is a pole. Pole, P-O-L-E, POLE!"

Vader, having sufficiently recovered from being attacked by said pole, grabbed it out of Cheesy's hands.

"Thank you and good-bye!"

Having said his farewells, Vader swung the pole around and caught Cheesy behind the knees, causing her to fall to the ground cursing him and his 'stick' all the way down.

Vader gave the pole a push on the bank, they were off. Luke sat in front of Vader on a pile of soft blankets. However, as they began there journey into the underground labyrinth they began to notice something distinctly odd about their boat pole and the lake. It seemed as if music began to play as soon as the pole hit the water. Vader pulled the pole out of the water and looked at Luke. Luke looked at his father.

"You heard it too?"

Vader nodded his head, a slight twinge of unease coursing down his spine. Vader slowly lowered the pole into the water.

_In sleep he sang to me_

Vader pulled out the pole

_**Silence**_

He pushed it back into the water

_In dreams he came_

Out

_**Silence**_

In

_That voice which calls to me_

Out

_**Silence**_

In

_And speaks my name_

Out

"Son…"

"Yes father."

"I hate that woman."

The rest of the ride was found by Luke to be a new musical experience. His range of musical exposure reached from jizz in the cantina to Biggs trying to keep a beat with his wrench on some project they were working on. To Vader, it was torturous.

The song came to an end as the pair reached the opposite shore. They pulled the gondola up to a small dock and tied it tightly. They stepped off and viewed their surroundings. Their eyes met a stone wall. Vader sighed.

"That woman has a sick sense of humor."

Luke quietly agreed and sat down on a rock next to the wall. As he leaned back he nudged a small rock into an indentation barely visible in the wall.A small door slid open behind Luke. Vader turned just in time to see his son fall flat on his back, the secret entrance glaring menacingly behind him.

"You seem to have a talent for finding the hidden doors in this place."

Luke grumbled under his breath , trying to right himself back on the rock.

"Lucky me."

Luke glared at the entrance and then turned to look at his father.

"We're going in there, aren't we?"

Vader heaved a sigh of resignation.

"Do you think we have a choice?"

Luke rolled his eyes and got to his feet. He grinned at his father and motioned to the door.

"Age before beauty, father."

Vader stared at his son's grinning face and started for the door.

"Pearls before swine, son."

Luke continued to grin. Until he got it.

"Hey!" Luke exclaimed as he followed his father into the darkness.

The door slid shut behind them.

A/N:Well, I do believe that was my longest chapter so far! You Like? You Buy? You Review?


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